My Mortal Enemy - Insomnia

I have somehow developed insomnia.  I did not realize it at first because it was gradual and quite frankly, impending sleepless nights was the furthest thing from my mind.  But it happened.  Bit by bit I was spending more time tossing, turning, sighing and staring endlessly at the ceiling of my bedroom.  This of course drove my husband with two jobs crazy, so I moved my theatrics to the living room couch.

During my time awake, when I wasn't putting abnormal wear and tear on my living room furniture, I reflected on why I couldn't connect with the deep abyss I called my "coma".  Was it the fact that I decided to leave the work force after 15 successful years in business management?  I left because of the stress and my life flashing before my eyes, so surely that wasn't the reason.  Maybe it was my diet change?  Did I have an anxiety I was refusing to acknowledge?  My husband has a thunderous snore which I adjusted to years ago and besides, now I was on the couch. Whatever it was, I knew something definitely had to be done since during the day I was no earthly good to anyone.  I could not remember the simplest things and half of the time I looked like I had been attacked by the neighborhood alley cat.   Not to mention I was beyond cranky and people in my inner circle avoided me like the plague.

A friend of mine suggested that I see a physician and perhaps get a referral to a mental health professional.  In my mind, I suggested that she get a referral to a mental health professional, but I knew that was the insomnia talking so I kept it to myself.  Upon seeing the physician, he immediately suggests a prescription for Trazadone, which is a controlled substance sleep aid. I thought it odd that the only thing I had to do was tell him I could not sleep.  No questions asked nor alternative solutions offered.  I was uneasy about taking anything narcotic, especially since my Mother died of an overdose of prescription medication that her physician wrote unnecessary refills for, which by the way subsequently changed my life. I began to see insomnia as my Darth Vadar, desiring to take my sanity, my family, my health, my vitality and my life.  So it had to go. 

Here are some steps I took to combat my mortal enemy.

Did my research

One day my oldest daughter got a blister on her lip and somehow diagnosed herself with a deadly cancer based on her findings on the world wide web.  Let's face it, we have a plethora of information at our fingertips and I am a heavy proponent of not self diagnosing, but in all things, moderation if the key.  I got basic information on the Internet that pointed me in the right direction.

Talked to a reputable physician

I never really had a physician I could call home because we could never afford the family medical coverage.  I asked around for a reputable one that dealt with over the age of 40 women's issues which is a whole other blog in itself.  As it turns out, I was premenopausal, hormonal and everything that comes with that!  I felt much better after this initial visit, despite the news, and walked out of her office with some solid instruction and a new lease on life.

Visited a mental health professional

This was the last thing I wanted to do but it was the first thing my physician told me to do. Instead of tearing up my lease on life, I did what the doctor ordered and found one.  As it turns out, I did have anxiety and unresolved issues from the past.  My mother's untimely death, my lack of traditional employment, some rather bad choices I've made and so on and so on.  But the one that really surprised me the most was anxiety over my soon to be empty nest.  I thought I would be throwing a luau when that my last child graduated, but apparently not so.  Never underestimate what your psyche tries to withhold from you because your sleep life will tell the tale. So because of all that, along with the premenopausal stuff, I conceded that I had some issues that needed to be dealt with.

Took up Yoga

I've always been athletic and love to work out to this day.  But I leaned toward that intense HIIT, Shaun T, drenching with sweat, can't speak but exhilarating workouts.  Since yoga was on my prescription list, I tried it and fell in love.  Don't get me wrong, I still hype up my workouts, but I don't know where I formed the impression that yoga was not athletic because it is tremendously so.  The most important aspect for me is that, done correctly, it involves breathing and mindfulness or meditation which is priceless to mental and physical well being.

Found a natural alternative

My bottle of Trazadone still sits in the medicine cabinet.  I don't know why, but it just does.  However, I chose to take Melatonin, which is the natural hormone your body secrets, helping you to maintain your wake cycle.  Basically enabling you sleep like normal humans should.  I found that normal for me was at least 6 hours per day.  Science says some folks balk at Melatonin because you can buy it at Walgreens without a prescription and it does not put most people in La La Land, but it works for me.

I embraced this stage of my life

After implementing these changes and some others, in my life, there are still some occasional nights I have difficulty sleeping.  Instead of wrestling with it, I get up and be thankful for life, everyone and everything I have. I meditate or read something insightful or pair my husband's and son's sock's.  I just embrace the moment as a time I was meant to be awake and like clockwork I eventually fall back asleep.....most times.  But regardless,  I am back in the arms of my snoring, strong husband and my couch may last another 2 years.  I bet my mortal enemy really thinks that sucks.